Age

Today is my birthday.

Once you’re deep in your 30s, the anticipation does fade away. It turns into acceptance. Then acknowledgement. And then reflection. One day you realize you probably have fewer birthdays ahead of you than behind you. It is sobering.

I feel freer with every passing year. At ease. Relaxed. Content. The ambition is still very much here, but it is no longer the only thing in the room. The life already lived stands next to it with its own weight. I feel the heft of the work done in the years past, the accomplishments, the accolades. Mentally I no longer hop back to the medals and the ranks from academia anymore. There is enough life that I have lived after that that is worth its own.

The friendships that have survived the chaos feel richer than ever. Friends that were once classmates, colleagues, from the tech community, across countries… they are the treasure that has firmly settled in now. My kid and my spouse feel like home. Their quirks have become the rhythm of my days. I even miss the things that annoy me when they are not around. You are in your groove with all of this around you now. No longer searching.

I worry less about the future. I can buy the coffee I once rationed. Heck I can even have it twice a day now. No longer scrutinizing credit card bills like a forensic accountant. I do not cancel Netflix to save a month. No more tracking flight prices to strike the troughs. Sure, can get that Leica that I’ve always wanted. Being on top of your finances is a wonderful thing. You dream about this kind of contentment when you are younger. You promise yourself you will get there one day. And then one day you realize you are there. You are living the life you once imagined. Being able to indulge your wants, not just your needs.

Work shifts too. Still intense. Still meaningful, impactful and hectic. But by your own choice. With a wider range of people now. I accept people for who they are more easily than I used to. The ones who care for work more than I do. The ones who care less. The coasters. The grinders. I accept that everyone is on their own timeline. Their stories do not pull me off my own path anymore.

Time softens the edges. I used to get angry quickly. I still do more than needed, but I am lighter now. More cheerful. More positive. Less disappointed. More open. More free.

Letting go becomes easier. The small qualms. The petty annoyances. The bitterness that you dragged on. The weight of old grievances. You start to see how pointless it is to carry any of it along. Forgiveness is easier too. You understand people better.

There is this beautiful line by a philosopher that I had heard a long back which has stayed with me, rings truer even more now with age: Never postpone joy. I love that. And I realize how important this is especially with age. You look for moments to create fun. Because now you know it is more in your hands than you realize. You can actually create fun.

At some point you understand the purpose of life with surprising clarity. Not to get too philosophical, it does feel like at the end of the day it is all about having fun. In work, at home, with friends, with family… fun is the unit of life. Of feeling alive. Everything gets simpler once you start optimizing for fun.

For me, fun is work. It is coffee. It is photographing my family. It is travel. It is football. It is the small rituals that make a day feel full. Knowing this removes the restlessness. The craving fades. Because what I want is right here.

I do not know yet if I am aging like a fine wine. Maybe I will find out in a decade. Maybe I will change my mind on a lot of the above in a few years. Why not.

For now though, I am choosing levity. Age is after all just a number.